Articles Written by:    JIM NEWELL     

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Wonkette is a blog published by Gawker Media that details the goings-on of the political establishment in Washington, DC. The site focuses heavily on gossip, humor, and the downfall of the powerful, as well as more "serious" matters of politics or policy (often from a left-leaning perspective). The site in its current incarnation is most well known for derisively mocking political figures its writers personally dislike, including maliciously attacking their families and small children.

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Ed Rendell Thinks Napolitano Will Do Well At Homeland Security, Despite Her Vagina

Loveable Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell has opened his fat trap yet again, this time on a hot mic, to celebrate the selection of Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano as Secretary of Homeland Security. He tells a friend that she’ll do well because she’s a ...

From JIM NEWELL, Wonkette,  3 Dec 2008

Women Constantly Trying To Do Kitchen Chores In Veterans Affairs Dept. Bathroom

Left over food in toilet = bad Vomited up left over food in toilet = good It could be worse. My sister’s employer had to post signs in the male bathrooms for workers not to wash their feet and genitals in the sinks. The feet part is understandable as ...

From JIM NEWELL, Wonkette,  3 Dec 2008

Bushes Disrespects America By Planning To Buy A Home, In Dallas

Yet another reason to not go to Dallas. As if I needed another. It’s a little sad Poppy Bush didn’t want W living in Houston with him; I mean it’s a big shitty city. Was he afraid he’d bring their property value down (as if you could do that in Houston) ...

From JIM NEWELL, Wonkette,  3 Dec 2008

Your Latest Imaginary Minnesota Senate Recount News: Al Franken, Uh, ‘Winning’

The Al Franken team announced today that under its special recount tracking methodology, Franken’s ahead by 22 votes over that cock Norm Coleman! The maths here seem rather terrible: “The Franken camp’s methodology involves taking down the opinions of ...

From JIM NEWELL, Wonkette,  3 Dec 2008

That Cannot Be True, CNN!

Slaves helped build my bagel this morning, but at least they are provided an illegitimate stipend. Seriously! I didn’t realize they had slaves way back then! I was sure slavery was invented by my middle-school teachers and perfected by my fourth year ...

From JIM NEWELL, Wonkette,  3 Dec 2008

Actual Confederate Owner Of Slave Plantations Wins Georgia Runoff

Ha ha, Jim Martin lost like a little gay baby, and now we know why Obama never campaigned in the state for him: his two-time Senate election losingness in the same election. “With 90 percent of the state’s precincts reporting in Tuesday’s runoff ...

From JIM NEWELL, Wonkette,  2 Dec 2008

CNN Is Disgusting

Little Johnny, Santa can’t deliver you any presents this year because we have this thing called baby boomers. And these people think they are supposed to get everything on credit and someone else will pay for it. And this, this is their gift to you to ...

From JIM NEWELL, Wonkette,  2 Dec 2008

Where Did The Last Hour Go?

Anyone who’s managed to score higher than “zero” on this thing is a golden god and should run the global economy. UPDATE: DAVE J. HAS THE SECRET. [EcoDriving USA] I think I got a 44 once I figured out to inflate my tires and take all the TruckNutz out ...

From JIM NEWELL, Wonkette,  2 Dec 2008

Joe Biden Goes Off-Message To Make Fun Of Sarah Palin

Barack Obama and his nutball friend Joe Biden attended a meeting of the National Governors Association today, which is very similar to the recent Republican Governors Association meeting except for the part in which every speaker calls the Democrats a ...

From JIM NEWELL, Wonkette,  2 Dec 2008

Christopher Hitchens Is Funny When He Talks About The Clintons

England used to have a set of balls, but then Sully and Hitchy moved here…which did neither England or the pair any good. I usually ask “Chris, how could you drink that?” Joan Walsh says she’s had drinks with Hitchens. And survived. She deserves some ...

From JIM NEWELL, Wonkette,  2 Dec 2008

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