Articles Written by:    JEFFREY BERGERON     

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Biff America: Dopey remark reveals truth about laughter

Often is the case when I can see myself doing and saying stupid things in an out of body-like experience. It has improved as I have aged but still I'll sometimes be in the middle of saying something stupid and I can't seem to stop myself. Sometimes it ...

From JEFFREY BERGERON BIFF AMERICA, Vail Daily,  18 Nov 2009

Biff America: Strong hydraulics water the family tree

More than a half a century ago I peed on Martha's chin and she still holds a grudge. It seems I can't attend a family function without her bringing it up. Martha is my older sister. Before I came unto the scene she was the youngest and cutest. The ...

From JEFFREY BERGERON, Vail Daily,  11 Nov 2009

Biff America: It's a man's world

How do you tell a perfect stranger that she either has to take off her pants or hop home? I was riding on the bike path on one of those hot days of August. About a mile from home, I encountered what I assumed were three Catholic nuns riding bicycles. ...

From JEFFREY BERGERON, Vail Daily,  9 Sep 2009

Biff America: Seize the day with power tools

The running chainsaw missed my groin by inches. (It's funny. After almost 30 years of writing for TV, radio and newspapers I think that is the first time I've ever typed those word in that order.) It has been my experience that while good things seem ...

From JEFFREY BERGERON, Vail Daily,  2 Sep 2009

Biff America: Government intervention and shoplifting

“If you hate the police — next time you need help, call a hippie.” That slogan graced a bumper sticker my pal Keith and I placed on the 1963 Ford Galaxy that we drove from Boston to Colorado in the mid-70s. We hoped that the bumper-sticker would be a ...

From JEFFREY BERGERON, Vail Daily,  26 Aug 2009
Related Topics: Ford Motor Company

Biff America: Exercising my God given right to write

VAIL, Colorado — “I'm just exercising my God-given rights.” “God-given rights.” You often see that expression in letters to the editor and editorials and propaganda pieces on both sides. It seems that we have God-given rights to own guns, ban guns, ...

From JEFFREY BERGERON, The Vail Trail,  19 Aug 2009
Related Topics: U.S. Senate,  U.S. Democratic Party

Biff America: Hypochondriac pushes health care reform

The depth of my ignorance on health care reform goes as deep as the Marianas Trench. Certainly I know about as much as the average American who gets his information from the media — both mainstream and otherwise. But having the attention span of a ...

From JEFFREY BERGERON, The Vail Trail,  12 Aug 2009
Related Topics: Barack Obama

Vail column: Trapped like rats

I was having a good time until my wife came home. Ellen and my mother-in-law were attending a cousin's wedding in Aspen — to which I was not invited. (It seems the bride's mother had seen me dance.) No sooner had mother and daughter rolled out of ...

From JEFFREY BERGERON BIFF AMERICA VAIL, CO COLORADO, The Vail Trail,  6 Aug 2009
Related Topics: Bernard Madoff,  U.S. Democratic Party

Biff America: Never shake a teenager

An adult should never grab an unknown teenager by the shoulders, and shake them. And while shaking said teenager never look them in the eyes and say, “How dare you be ashamed of your parents. Those two people who you shun love you more than life ...

From JEFFREY BERGERON, The Vail Trail,  29 Jul 2009

Biff America: Defending our cycling on Independence Day

My country and I were verbally accosted by four aliens on the Fourth of July. Three of the antagonists were from Great Britain one was French. My first inclination was to take the abuse from the Brits after — all Great Britain is our county's oldest ...

From JEFFREY BERGERON, Vail Daily,  22 Jul 2009
Related Topics: Jerry Lewis

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